a dash of life updates and two cups of self development please

SO this is what happens when I end up taking random blogging breaks for EVER. Which, by the way, whoops. Totally dropped the ball on that one. Not that it’s any excuse, but I visited my mom the week after my last post dropped and was like, “oh I’m not going to forget to post, I have the whole month’s content planned out, everything’s in my Dropbox ready to go” and then BAM. Nothing happened. For weeks now.

BUT I’M BACK. And I’m posting this at midnight on a Friday (or is it Saturday now?) because screw the schedule I have (it was posting on Wednesday mornings btw). I was always unsure about whatever I posted and sometimes insecure about it and blah blah blah but I’m just going to post whatever I want. I know people are like “you’re supposed to have fun with blogging!” and I thought “I’m totally having fun with it I don’t need this kind of advice” and then I realized how I felt weird posting stuff, like I was afraid no one was going to like it and it wasn’t really fun at all because I felt so confined.

So while I’m planning on sticking with mostly beauty related stuff (guys I have to talk to you about this sudden lipstick obsession I’m having???) I’m also going to write some really short posts, some random life rants (like this one) and whatever else I feel like. Sometimes I forget that this is my space and I can do whatever I want with it.

LET’S GET ON WITH IT SHALL WE?

This idea came to me in the shower (while I was shaving my legs and pondering how I got all these bruises) after reading the 8539th business email (I subscribe to a lot of newsletters I swear I’m a newsletter junkie). And also after thinking about when I told my friend I didn’t feel accomplished and I felt behind because I didn’t go to school, didn’t have some awesome barista job, or meet new people and she told me it was because I compare myself to all these other successful people (ok, so they’re mostly Instagrammers) who go out and do stuff.

What do business emails and Instagrammers have in common?

They both make me feel like I’m not doing enough. Like I’m not doing enough to be this amazing, well-rounded person who’s adventurous and healthy and business savvy. Which is funny, because I also always joke about staying at home all day.

And I know everyone talks about how you’re not supposed to compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 5 but that mindset shift is still something I’m working on.

This idea snowballed into what I’m actually writing about – things I want to do for me**.

**No skills required. Just discipline. (Stop relying on motivation, it doesn’t seem to last for very long.)

Here it goes.

I’M GOING TO STOP WAITING

I’ve been wanting a fedora, for like, EVER. Not floppy. Black. Wide rim. No extra dazzling stuff. I’d finally found one that fit my descriptions EXACTLY for $15. And I knew that it was a good deal because every other hat I’d seen ran upwards of 25.

But you know what?

I didn’t get it.

And I’m not sure why but I have this terrible habit of waiting for things to happen, or waiting for the perfect moment, when I feel amazing about buying something. Surprisingly enough it never happens. The price went back up. And a month later, when I checked (because I bookmark everything) for the hat, they didn’t have it anymore.

Waiting for things is deadly. Because it’s not just the hat, it’s something that I didn’t even realize was creeping into everything I do.

Anything meaningful doesn’t just happen. Opportunities don’t just find themselves. I need to go out there and grab them.

I WANT TO FIGURE OUT MY OWN STYLE

This is something I struggle with. Not even just with clothes, but I notice that I like a lot of different layouts, themes, writing styles, pictures, and whenever I tried to draw inspiration from all these scattered elements it sucks. I never like it because it’s turned into something I don’t like and I’m not proud of, at all.

As much as I love social media, I really need to learn how to take a step back and focus on MY STUFF.

Any tips?

I NEED TO STOP TAKING SHORTCUTS

As I get further and further into this post, I’m realizing how I’m highlighting a lot of my bad traits but WHATEVER, gonna write where the music takes me.

Another horrific mindset I have is that there’s a shortcut to everything.

“Wow, I’m getting really nervous about this presentation? Better read all the articles I can on combating stress hoping one of them will have this magic cure so I never have to feel this way again.”

Some things require hard work. There’s going to be uncomfortable moments, moments where I don’t want to do things but I have to. And sometimes, there is no shortcut.

CREATE MY WRITING RITUAL

Recently I was going through my bookmarks to clean up my browser a little bit (I told you I bookmarked a lot of stuff) and I came across this blog post on 10 tips to create your own writing ritual.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but I LOVE writing. But I’m really bad at practicing it, and since I haven’t had formal education on it in a while, my skills are fast going down the drain. That also means that whenever I try to write a blog post, it takes me an unnecessarily long time. So in the beginning of this post when she talks about cranking out this super awesome 40 minute speech in a WEEK, I was freaking HOOKED.

Lo and behold, the first step was to visualize this idea of your perfect writing ritual (sitting in a bubbly bath drinking wine?) and do that every time you write. The more glamorous, the better. It gives you something to look forward to.  

I was SO on board.

Whenever I think of writing some novel (which is def going to happen someday) I picture myself in my cozy bed, TV as white noise, low lighting, and something that doesn’t require my fingers to eat at my side. I live for comfort.

 

ANYWAYS, if this was scattered and hard to read, know that I wanted to feel the thrill of posting something that I didn’t think over and over in my head for more than a few hours. (And it’s not edited. So yes, I know this ended quite abruptly.)

Thoughts, questions, concerns? Love to hear them.  

signature